From the Dark Side
Before I go any farther; let me say that I take an antidepressant. I’ve suffered from bouts of severe and crushing depression since I was in my teens.
Mood disorders have come into the spotlight of late; just turn on the TV or open a magazine. Antidepressants are big business.
There are still people who think that clinical depression or bipolar disorder are fakes. There are people who think depression is just an excuse for anyone too lazy to get it together and ‘pick themselves up by their boot straps’.
What I know from my own experience is that there is a place inside my head that I go when I get depressed where there is almost no turning back. Over the years I’ve learned to identify it. I can see it coming now instead of being blindsided. I’ve learned how to get help for it. But it’s a deep dark place of what seems like no return. It’s a place of nothing and nobody having meaning anymore. It’s a place of no hope and no future. Everything is ultimately futile. There is but one escape and that is death.
Science has found correlations between certain chemistry in the brain and this type of depression. Psychiatry is far from an exact science. In fact it seems at times more like Russian Roulette. But; there are drugs out there that can help. There are drugs out there that influence these chemicals in the brain in ways that relieve this type of depression. They act to encourage the activity of various chemicals called neurotransmitters in the brain. Nobody knows exactly how and why they work. There are theories - but they are just theories. The results can’t be replicated consistently with human subjects. Nobody can say that depression is due to a particular ‘germ’ and that a particular wonder drug targets that ‘germ’ and kills it. Sometimes the drugs work, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes one drug works for one person but not the next. Sometimes a drug works, but stops working after a period of time. Sometimes the drugs even make the depression worse. Nobody can say why. What that means is that when your psychiatrist prescribes an antidepressant medication, he (she) is taking a guess.
The reason I started writing this post is because I was thinking about antidepressants today. I was walking through the bowels of Grand Central Terminal on my way to work. I started a new antidepressant a little over a week ago. It’s a patch, called the EMSAM patch. It’s a relatively old style drug, called a monoamine oxidase inhibitor (MAOI), with a modern delivery system. The patch allows the drug to be delivered in such a way that the usual special diet can be ignored. Typically MAOI users can experience life threatening hypertension (read STROKE and HEART ATTACK) if they combine the medicine with certain foods like wine, chocolate, and aged cheese. I’d definitely lose weight if I had to follow the diet – almost everything I love to eat is on the list of no no’s. Forced dietary compliance. The blow your diet and blow your mind diet. Eat to live. Or something like that. The lowest dose of the EMSAM patch eliminates that diet issue because it delivers a smaller but sustained dosage over a period of time.
But I wasn’t really thinking about the patch so much. I was wondering (and this is probably a symptom that I’ve been feeling BETTER) just what constitutes ‘real’ depression. Think of someone who is dying. Think of someone who is in the midst of a nasty divorce. Think of someone in any number of life situations that would cause ANYONE to feel ‘depressed’. If these people take an antidepressant, how do they know it is working? They go to the doctor because life doesn’t seem worth living anymore. The doctor prescribes an anti-depressant. They go back for a follow-up in a month and the doctor asks if the drug has worked. They respond that their oncologist has just determined their cancer is even more extensive then they previously realized. They respond that their spouse’s divorce lawyer is going for the house AND the kids. Life couldn’t seem to get much worse. Hard times. So where does the drug come into the equation? Is a positive response to the drug something like, “Well, my life is really in the toilet right now but I just don’t feel so bad about it?â€.
Yes, I am being a little facetious. The reality is that there are medications that can bring a person back from despondency to coping. Things still suck; but at least you can get out of bed, take a shower, have breakfast and then deal with them.
I searched everywhere for personal experiences with the EMSAM patch and found little. So in case you are wondering, almost two weeks and so far so good.
(Update April 29, 2007) — It has been about five months now and I would say this has been a success. I feel very well. Consistently well over this entire period… no manic highs and no crushing lows. Just me. Ready. Able. Rational. Optimistic.
Selegiline molecule courtesy of Wikipedia
February 15th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
My reply to Valerie…
My goodness. Well ok. Thank you for sharing all of this I think all of those things are really great suggestions; but wonder why it is you are making assumptions that I, or many other people, don’t do these things.
I have been to the depths of hell and back in my life experience. Real physical hell, not emotional. I have coped. I have adapted and I have moved on. I have reinvented myself many times over.
I have gone from a confused, manic, alcoholic, dependent and very ill person to a very happy and well adjusted one. My transition was not only based on the foundation of a desire to change, it was assisted by chemistry that helped my sick brain to heal. Its been accompanied by a deep faith that things will ultimately work out… A deep faith in a power beyond myself.
This has nothing to do with drug companies or pop psychiatry. It was and continues to be very, very real for me.
I have close personal experience with people who are suffering from physiological disorders of the brain. Without their meds, these people are non-functional. Some are dangerous.
My depression and suicidality have nothing to do with refined sugars, mediation, yoga, or a sound exercise regime. In fact I was working out two hours daily when I became the most ill I’ve ever been. I’ve always relied on prayer.
No doubt there are folks out there who may not need to be medicated; and yes the drug companies are marketing these things like aspirin. That is certainly not my case, and really; how dare you assume it is???